For many reasons, many women find themselves obligated to have partners, spouses or others, who are not nearby. The reasons for studying, working, political persecution, etc. sometimes forced men to emigrate or take refuge in distant towns within the same country. Thus, romantic relationships are forced to be lived at a distance. In an attempt to understand the life and apprehension of these women, we submitted a questionnaire to three women in this situation, and the responses consist of a series of testimonies which are the subject of the following content.
The romantic relationship at a distance is proving to be very complicated, because there are certainly many gaps to be filled. It is therefore a relationship that Nadège never wanted to start. Such a relationship is considered very painful because, for some reason, two beings who love each other are prevented from seeing each other, to share good times between lovers, when they want, and for a fixed period or not. . So a romantic relationship is at a distance when you don't live in the same country as your partner or they live thousands of miles away from you, Carine says. For Rose Mirline, who agrees with others, we experience love at a distance, and we use means of communication, such as the telephone, to see each other. Indeed, managing such a relationship is more complicated than the relationship itself, and Carine believes that trust, communication and understanding are the basis. The management vision is not shared. Thus, Nadège prefers to spend less time with her friends on social networks and avoids going out. She has connected to her partner's availability and spends her time cooking, listening to music and reading. For Rose Mirline, who says it is not easy, such management requires a certain maturity from both partners, patience, trust, and giving time to the other to take care of their own activities, etc. In this situation, how do you deal with the issue of sex, mistrust, infidelity and non-resistance?
Sex or coitus is often the basis in so-called romantic relationships. These practices require the presence of both partners. However, the practice of nude photos and videos, sexual messages, video calls, etc. are expanding. This does not prevent the reluctance of many women, for multiple reasons (religion, fear that it will be published, disgust, dissatisfaction, etc.). For Nadège, she rarely exchange messages of a sexual nature. And for Carine, sextapes can happen. That said, the issue of sex is approached in different ways in long distance romantic relationships, and therefore everyone tries to thrive sexually. Rose Mirline believes that there is nothing wrong with messages that are sexual, erotic, and arousing. But it is not found in “sexphones” which require too much imagination. She therefore prefers “face-to-face”. She is also not used to sending nude photos and videos, for fear they will be seen by other people. But, calls where she dances work well.
Even relationships where partners live on the same roof face cases of infidelity. Without wishing to be judgmental, it appears to be even more common in long-distance relationships, especially when the partners have had sex, often or not. How then to conceive of infidelity? For Nadège, as long as there is no change in habits, there will be no act of infidelity. And for Carine, it can happen, but you have to do without it and not continue. Rose Mirline, on the other hand, prefers to work on things that will have a positive impact, that give strength to the relationship. She believes that no partner is taken for granted. So she works a lot and looks on the bright side, until she has any evidence that this is happening. She doesn't get negative ideas into her head. However, she does not deny the cases of infidelity that can happen. Out of sight, how then to manage discussions and misunderstandings?
Discussions and misunderstandings are frequent in almost all relationships. And that seems normal, since we don't have the same view of the world. However, it's the way you manage the discussions that makes the difference. Therefore, everyone has their own way of approaching them, according to their understandings. Thus, one could wonder how the partners, who are at a distance, manage to manage them. Indeed, by asking for explanations for the misunderstandings, and finding common ground in the discussions, then apologizing for the causes of the discussions, this is how Nadège thinks of managing her relationships at a distance. Very different from Nadège, Carine thinks that the partner should be given time to mull over his anger, and then start the discussions again. So it's using communication as a tool. In this regard, one thing is clear: in long distance romantic relationships, there can be discussions, and the way to deal with them is different, from one couple to another.
These types of relationships, where even little hugs are missing, undoubtedly represent an ordeal. Because for Rose Mirline, even a touch means a lot. Without even being able to set a date for a close meeting, Nadège does not wish such a relationship, even to his worst enemy. That said, long-distance romantic relationships generate great voids, and, at the first moment, it can help you assess the relationship, says Nadège. Carine agrees. This suggests that when you live in a romantic relationship at a distance, you endure great suffering, and the worst, most often, is not knowing when you are going to get out of it. Nadège even considers this situation to be a struggle, and for her, no one knows what she is going through until she has experienced a romantic relationship at a distance. She paints a dark picture of this relationship and believes, if you live and go through these times of this relationship successfully, you are winners, she says. Nonetheless, Carine was able to provide a glimmer of hope, saying that distance does not drive people who love each other away. Should we try to start such a relationship? To that, Nadège is very categorical, and answers: NO! NEVER!
Between bad experiences or not, women share with us a series of testimonies on their long distance romantic relationships. Similar cases. Totally opposite cases. Very different approaches. Their testimonies can arouse a keen interest and would allow a certain understanding of the romantic relationships at a distance that they live or that they have lived.
Would you like to live your romantic relationship at a distance?
NB 1: This article is a special edition, so we anticipate a sequel on the perspective on men.
NB 2: Nadège is an assumed name. We also, at the request of the participants, made sure not to give any information that could identify them.
Job Pierre Louis